btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
