i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize