I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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