Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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