He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
