As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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