Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
