if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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