bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
