i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
