I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
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