That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
