Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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