Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
