well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
