oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
