Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
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