I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
