all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
