last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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