If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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