I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
