You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
