How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
