Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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