Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
