Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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