I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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