I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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