I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
