Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
