he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
