Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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