I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Randomize
