ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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