There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
