just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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