After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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