im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
