No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
