you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
