My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
