You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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