they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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