i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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