Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
