There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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