Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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