I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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