Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
