def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
why is half of my head shaved?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
