so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
