Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
