So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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