I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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