I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
