she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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