absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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