Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
