it wasn't lemon gatorade
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
