He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
