if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
