What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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