Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
