i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
