I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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