you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
