Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
