I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize