Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
