It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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