I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
How naked do you want me to be?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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