It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
