onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
