he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize