Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
