$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
