quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
