Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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