i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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