Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
