You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
