Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize