First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My penis needs a shock collar
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
