Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
tell your sister to shave her snatch
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
