piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
