Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
