Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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