yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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