And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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