May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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