My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
