i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
