I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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