True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
In other news, I just burned my penis
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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