Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
