I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
