Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You are the jesus of drinking
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize