i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
