I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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