seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We are two peas in an std pod
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
