I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
